I've been needing to write this post for a few days but I couldn't seem to find the right words. I still haven't really found them but I'm going to give it a go.
With adoption, sometimes there are stories you can't tell and things you can't share. This is one of those things. While I can't share details, I did promise to share as much about our journey as I can.
Basically, we thought that we might have found a birth mom. She was due very soon and very sure that she wanted to find adoptive parents. It's not for me to share her situation, but because of the circumstances she knew that she wanted to find a good, Christian home for her daughter. An acquaintance of ours who knows that we are wanting to adopt shared our info with a friend of the birth mom's and she was going to pass it along. We were so excited!
To make a long story short, we just found out that she has changed her mind. She has decided to parent.
I know all of the things that you are supposed to say here. How I support her decision and how I think she will do well. And I truly hope that she will. I wish her nothing but the best and they are both in my prayers.
But it still hurts.
I told Chris that I can't imagine going through this without my boys. I have two of the most awesome kids on the planet and I get to be with them everyday and shower them with love and attention. And we are okay.
I learned many lessons when we went through infertility. They were lessons that I didn't want to repeat. The most important thing I learned during that time was to trust in God, give Him full control and know that he wants what is best for me. I tend to be a control freak and I had to learn the hard way that I am not in control and furthermore, that I don't want to be!
I know that God has called us to adoption. And I know that His plan always works for good. Another lesson I've learned in life is that there is always a reason that things happen the way that they do. Maybe I don't see it now, and maybe in a year I still won't, but at some point it will make sense. And because I trust that God knows best, and that His plan is best, I will rest in that assurance.
Job 1:21 "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."